No Heaven For a Machine
by IHaveAMessedUpSenseOfHumor
Summary: One shot dedicated to the measures of humanity and the concept of heaven. AndroidShipping and ComradeShipping to flavor. Warning heavy use of symbolism and surrealness, rated M for language and gore. I decided to write it as a one shot instead. Here you go. Please enjoy! Gift!fic for EkErE


Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own this franchise or nay of its characters

No Heaven For a Machine

Or

Can't I even dream?

_A machine does not have a soul. Therefore there is no heaven for one. When a machine is dismantled or destroyed or just vanishes than it is an object lost to the world. I don't care if that machine talks, walks, drinks, eats, acts or pretends that it feels. There is a no heaven for a machine._

It's dark in here. The dark is cold. It bites me to the bone. I think I'll choke on the words in my throat. I think I'll choke. So I'm choking and freezing to death. It's so dark. I think I died. I think my breath escaped my lips. And in death nothing's here. The dark is nothing, it must be. Why did I think there was something waiting for me?

I must have thought... I'm not him really I suppose... I hope they're all very well where it is that humans go. I wish them the best. I wish them all the best. It's very dark in here and the cold bites me to the bone but I wish them the best all the same. I completed my mission and I should be happy, I should be pleased, happy at least. I'm scared though, I'm terrified, I don't want to be alone. It's too cold in here.

I wish I didn't think that there was a place for me. It was a silly wish, the place is his and it would be very unfair to take it from him. I understand that, don't think I'm selfish, I just wished. If wishing is a crime than I'm very sorry.

I think I'll miss Yuusei the most. I think I'll miss Z-ONE as much maybe though. My saviors, I can hear their voices still. I can hear them and I'm crying. I can hear them and I'm crying.

I think the worst part is the whispering that's started. I can hear every lie I have ever said. I've said more than I've thought, or maybe it's just his lies. That's not fair, giving me his lies, his life but denying me his death. It's not fair and it's cold. I think if I human I would have died of frostbite again. All it's doing to my android self is wet the eyes.

I am so human. I can feel, I can taste, I can smell, all my bodily functions work as a human's do, they treated me like a human, I even fooled myself. Look at it now though. Look at my self completely exposed. No more lies, no my hiding, I am bitter wiring and I'm crying and it's not fair. And it's dark and it's cold and only the wind and whispering is here but I am walking somewhere. I want to see someone. I want to see Z-ONE, I want to see him again and I don't want to lose him again. I'm lonely. No lies.

I've been walking for a long time now. I'd like to stop but if I do than I think I'll lose my point, I have to meet someone in the middle I think. I have someone that wants, that needs my help. I think they've chilled to the bone but can't feel it as well as I can. I think they're broken and that's not fair and I'll help them, I promise, I promise all I can.

And I can see white, another colour in the dark, I think I can see white on the other side.

White isn't a very attractive colour. It's too sterile, too mournful. It reminds me of what I can't have and I'm still crying I think. I hear sound though, sound on the white side. Whose tears? Someone I know? Please! I'm lonely. Please don't be more lies. That wouldn't be fair and I've had enough already.

The sound isn't crying, it's yelling, it's abuse, someone's losing it in a burning fury. It sounds like the sky is on fire. It sounds like the sky is on fire. I'm going to cry. I'm probably dreaming. No one else is here. I call out regardless, in desperation, in pain and with tears stinging my now warm face.

"Is anyone there?" I sob.

I hear nothing in reply and yet I stumble out with tears dripping down. I walk into the light to find the source that is in the end probably just more lies and I'm crying. I miss Yuusei the most.

I see someone, a silhouette. In white and in pain I believe. Another person is good, I hope it's someone I know, I hope so. I run towards them and grab them up in a hug. I haven't seen someone in a very long time. It's good to see another person. This person hisses and scratches at me though. It's voice is deep and angry.

"Who is this? I can't see anything but these god damned letters?!" It screams.

"Ah Placido!" I sob into him. "Do you know where we our fellow android?" I ask.

"Wait what are you doing in Aporia's head-space?" The android snarls startled.

"Placido, we aren't in Aporia's head-space, we, he died. This is where we go when we die." I explain.

He breaks out laughing, we've both been here a very long time it seems.

"Bullshit! If he was dead then we wouldn't even be able to converse! There is no heaven for machine Dark Glass, and why are you so weepy?"

"Because we've been dead a long time and I'm lonely and I'm crying! And I miss Yuusei the most and it's not fair but it's our burden to bear!"

"Stop feeding me this bullshit! You know nothing! We are not dead! We are not dead! We are not dead! We can't be! We don't have souls you damned fool! We couldn't have lost! Stop talking to me you are another hallucination! I have seen so many horrific things that you aren't a stretch! So many"

A pause.

"We're in hell."

And we must be because I've started crying again. He awkwardly pats my head.

"Don't be sad, Dark Glass, that's your name right?" He asks.

"No, we don't even have names really do we?" I sob before holding him tighter.

"Shut up! I'm trying to make you stop and instead you ask stupid questions like that."

"They need to be asked! I want to know, can we even dream? Am I dreaming? Because as far as I know we shouldn't be here, we shouldn't exist!"

His body is gone and my face hurts and I must remain calm. I have someone here, even if it's him and maybe I can be forgiven for being incomplete soon, I want to be forgiven.

"No hallucination would behave in this manner, you must be the real deal. Damn it! Never free of you worthless stains. Even inside myself there is a stain. Though not worthless and a much smaller stain than others." He mentions.

I grab his hand and drag him along through the pure white area and I'm still crying.

"And where are we going Dark Glass?"

I don't answer.

I wonder if we've gotten closer, I think we have. I think our despair has gotten us closer. Denial, anger, despair. He's at despair and he's crying, how pathetic.

"We must be in hell. I suppose I deserve it. I'm nothing but a damned stain that nothing can erase. But what have you done? It must be something serious, something very serious, or maybe it's our own fake lying existence that brought us to hell."

"I haven't done anything. I don't think, I don't believe, I only wanted the best, there were only good intentions, only good intent."

"And the road to hell is paved with them!"

"Please stop talking."

"Are you crying again?"

"I always cry!"

"I thought, I thought we'd be reunited but she isn't, I'm not, I can still see her perfectly, she's engrained inside of my head."

"We're just copies P-"

"I am aware of that. Shut your mouth now! I can see every sin I've ever committed, it's written in her diary."

And he sleeps. And I think for the first time in the longest time I sleep as well. I miss sleep.

I think I'm going to stop crying. I'm very tired of crying. I'm sick of it at last, understand? I'll dry my leaking eyes and restore focus in my mind. I've been too confused and too desperate. I'm going to stop crying.

I think life's moving very fast. Death. Death is life, it might as well be. We've been laid bare I believe, that's why there's whispering. I can hear it and he can see it. So I think the words are what we are behind the machine. We've been laid bare.

I'm rambling, I've been rambling, don't tell me that I wasn't, it would be a lie and lying is wrong just ask me. I think my circuits were damaged. That explains a lot. I think my circuits were damaged but I feel alright. I feel alright.

"Placido would you please check my circuits?"

"I don't know how."

"Please try."

"But I don't know how."

"Alright Placido."

"Don't look at me like that!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop whining."

"I'm sorry."

"Say it one more time and we'll see if you can die twice!"

Denial, anger, despair. Denial, anger, despair. Anger and despair. Oh alright.

And he's started screaming.

"Some of those aren't even mine! Are you confusing your narratives? Hmn! Make up your mind already! I'm sick of this place, I'm sick of it! Finish your business and leave!"

It's still so brightly white and my eyes are burning. Warmth has begun to scorch me like the cold did. I hate the colour white so much you wouldn't believe. It's too sterile. Black is better at least it shows stars. Stars. Oh the memories of stars burn a lot more than they should.

I think I can repair myself. I think I can repair the corroded circuitry. Maybe. I think Placido would miss me if I left. I think he can't deal with himself. And he's screaming again.

"Shut your mouths! You know nothing of her or me!"

The whispering increases.

"Shsh shsh I love you." They whisper and can he hear them?

"I, that wasn't, maybe, they aren't even my feelings!"

He runs past me back where we came, how annoying. If he goes back than who knows if we'll meet again and that's too much to bear.

"Are you alright?" I ask with tears itching to get out.

"Don't ask me silly things."

"Oh alright."

And look and we sit in silence though it means nothing.

"I hate you less than I did yesterday."

And that means something with hope. I grab his hand and drag him through the white, we're almost out, look it's gray, gray is less offensive to my eyes.

"Shsh shsh I'm not crying."

But I'm not. These tears are not mine, this burden I bear is not mine, these emotions are not mine but I take them and I take the karmic punishment as well. It may not be fair but as I'm not human in the slightest than no one can complain. I can't complain. I had my fun, with his eyes, with his heart, that I was no entitled to. In all fairness I thought they were mine. I thought this body was mine. I thought he and I were in all regards the same and now that I know we're not I think I'm crying.

There are butterflies in the gray and they flutter around with my memories on their wings. Hold and release them like fireflies and feel their warm. It's pleasant here. I don't want to go. I want to stay. I shouldn't though. I shouldn't though.

"Are you coming?"

"It's pleasant here. I won't miss Yuusei as much. I miss Yuusei the most."

"I'm not leaving without you, I need your help."

"Why?"

"Why? Why? You can't ask me silly questions like that! I'm inadequate! Is that what you want to hear stain? I can't navigate through this area!"

"And why can't you stay here, it's pleasant and gray and nice and warm."

"Just come with me okay, I'm scared!"

"Scared? I thought you were beyond that."

"Shut up! Shut up! Just come with me!"

Dragging me by the hand we leave gray behind and hold and releasing memories no longer. It's red. I'm seeing red. And I'm crying and he's still screaming.

Red has angry thrashing hearts floating by. And the hearts have names on them, every person I've ever lied to I believe. And their voices are yelling at me. What Yuusei says hurts the most and I'm crying. Placido's just blindly fighting them. Blindly, he can't see very well anymore, I think his circuitry's damaged. There are wires exposed. I never noticed before. His eyes are missing in all actuality.

"How can you see?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"You don't have any eyes."

"W-what? Oh. No eyes. I don't know."

And he's stopped screaming... it hurt my head too much anyway...

The red is bleeding now, hearts torn apart. I'm sure it means something but I no longer care. He's dropped screaming again and his face is bleeding. I think he's coming apart. I'll carry him until my legs give way.

His voice has gotten quiet. He speaks quietly now.

"My legs have gone numb, are there more colours ahead?"

"I don't know."

"I hope the next colour is gray. I want to remember the bright season I spend with her once again."

A pang of jealousy and suddenly my world is very very green. And in this green there is nothing but a big brown tree with rotting branches; I want to hang myself on the large branches and cut out my tongue and never breathe again.

I set the android down by the tree and he's crying at last. Denial, anger, despair.

"I want another bright season."

"I know."

"Kill me."

"I can't, you died a long time ago."

And the tree collapses and we're left in a green so bright it's offensive to my eyes and it ruins more of his body. I drop the baggage and simply carry around his head.

"Have I lost my body?!"

"Yes."

"Aha, ahahaha!"

"Stop laughing please, it's creepy."

"Don't tell me what to do! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

"But Placido, you're just a"

"I want a bright season again."

I think Yuusei would appreciate a bright season the most. We don't deserve them I suppose. We deserve nothing... in... the end...

And the colour has changed once more to a deep purple and there are mouths and they're screaming at me. Screaming at every mistake I have made. Screaming words so foul I've never heard them before. It was almost a beautiful colour. I wanted a beautiful colour. We should have stayed in the gray. His neck is bleeding again and I'm crying.

"I've lost all my sight."

And I'll cry for him at the very least.

"You should leave me. I'm of no use to you. Be selfish."

I clutch his head tight to my chest.

"I am."

And the mouths don't stop screaming until we leave and yellow so bright my eyes burn and I can't see either. I'm not even sure which direction I'm going now. I clutch to his head still. He's beautiful actually. A beautiful ghost in the machine. In another life I wish he didn't hate everyone and everything so much. I wish I was human in another life. Please let me be human. Let there be a bright season, just one, just one for me.

Colour I can see again, a brown, look at it mocking me basically. Pain is stinging my face and my tongue is severed it seems.

"What? What is it?"

"Mnn mnn!"

I lift up his head and stare at him.

"I can feel you staring at me! What has happened?"

I write out my explanation on his forehead.

"I can't read that!"

I kiss him and open my lips so he can feel the lack of anything and the bleeding. I pull away.

"So now you can't even speak to me?! This isn't fair! We haven't done anything to deserve this much! Our existence is the only sin left! Our existence is a sin."

And there are whips that rip at my skin and show me that I'm machine. I forgot. I forgot. You can't blame me for that. Our sin must be the sin of lying. Of pretending to be human. I am being punished just for the want of life! And him, the same, the same sin that he denies and that's why he's been reduced to nothing. And I'm crying. A sharp sting and an eye's been had. I think I can paint my cheeks deep red in my own blood.

"Black, white, gray, red, green, purple, yellow, brown. Pink and blue are the only colours that remain. What's at the end? Black again? We ought to see."

And look and drown there is pink and it's so near. The whips snatch at my clothes and one goes for my companion. I grab it and snap it. It's burrowed under my skin. I can't get it out. No words of course. No sounds. I can't make them anymore.

"Dark Glass what was that? Oh. I'm sorry I asked that. You know I haven't learnt your name, I suppose I never will in the end. Maybe one day I'll learn how to read what you write on my head so you can tell me."

I'd like that.

Pink oh look what a sight! I wish he could see it. There's water running down in pink floods and, it doesn't hurt at all. I want to stay here for a very long time. I want to stay here for a very long time. I sit down by the edge of on of the pools. I stick a hand in it and it burns immediately. Acid I believe. I wipe my hand on my suit, the remains of it at least and continue on my way even though every pool is beckoning me for a swim.

Blue. Blue's the last I think and I'm crying. I miss Yuusei the most.

The sky, it's the sky. And nothing …..hurts...at all...any...more.

"Where at the end Dark Glass. Is there something? Anything? Oh. I'm sorry again, I keep doing that."

There is green grass and a white door in the middle. I open the door and I give Placido another kiss and he returns it though he spits out the blood after wards.

"Something is there than. An exit?"

I brush his hair out of his eyes and tidy him up as best as I can. I clean myself up as well. In the end will there be nothing? I want a bright season just this once please. I want to live happily, I want us both to have happy lives, not as androids, not as androids. I want to love and be loved. I want to lie back and smile without fear and with memory. I'll miss Yuusei the most I think.

I walk into the light and I'm crying.

_A machine does not have a soul. Therefore there is no heaven for one. When a machine is dismantled or destroyed or just vanishes than it is an object lost to the world. I don't care if that machine talks, walks, drinks, eats, acts or pretends that it feels. There is a no heaven for a machine. At least I don't think so, Dark Glass, he has, he has taught me that maybe there could, is, one. Is there a heaven for a being that can't even dream? Maybe we'll find out. I want to share my bright season with him if there is._


End file.
